I cannot remember a time in my life when I had filters. Oh, I am sure at the age of 5 or 6 maybe I did. In fact I am sure I did. But I cannot fathom a time as a young adult or older that I knew how to just be like a normal person and not speak my mind...or give my heart.
I guess you could say I have been a serial relationship-per for my entire life. Am I an addict or merely dependent upon men for my happiness? This was something my 18 year old daughter, Allie, and I contemplated today as we drove around Aurora, CO in search of free birthday treats for me.
Another thing we talked about was the shutting down of our hearts once someone repeatedly hurts us. Well, Allie talked about this and I merely listened because this is a talent I, unfortunately, have not mastered. I don't even know how to begin to shut my heart down after being hurt. I can merely covet this talent that comes oh, so naturally to others.
But which is better? Is it better to shut down one's heart, close it off to being open to the possibility of relationship again? Or should a person allow himself or herself to be open and vulnerable, time and time again, never learning their lesson?
Hard question to answer. My daughter belongs to the former camp and I, to the latter. How we ended up being so opposite is beyond me, but maybe I only have to look as far as....my mother. I think things like this tend to skip a generation as my Allie is like my mom in so many ways. But my daughter is much, much too young to have developed such a cold outlook on life....and I want so much more for her.
I want her to be able to love and be loved at her fullest capacity. I want her to know that, in my humble opinion, it is better to have loved and to have lost than never to have loved at all. I want her to know that, no matter what, we should never, ever give up on our soul's desire to find THE one...even if the one is only in our life for a very short time. Heartbreaking? Absolutely. But crucial for growth? Yes.
There is one thing I am thankful for, one fruitful thing that came out of our conversation today. My daughter's desire is to not stay where she is, but to move forth...she wants to learn how to get past where she is so that, someday, she will be able to give herself to that one who will love her and she will love. So this weekend we will meet with a good friend of mine who has been where Allie is, but who has moved past that place and is still just chugging along on her way to being a complete person, one that God desires for her to be.
This is amazing....and I am so excited for this adventure! So....stay tuned!
The Closing Of One's Heart
