When I got married, my husband (who is now my ex-husband, but that is another LONG story) stated that, as soon as we had a girl, we would stop having children. At the time, I thought it was one of the most sexist things I had ever heard. Looking back on it, it was one of the few things he ever said that made complete and total sense. Lucky for me, I was blessed with two boys before I had my daughter, Alessandra, so I am thankful that God had mercy on me and allowed me to have more than one child. If we had had a girl first, I doubt we would have risked trying for another child. But since John's sister had been the first Di Paolo girl in generations, he felt quite confident that we would NEVER have a girl. He was sadly mistaken.
When I was pregnant with Allie (as we call her, though she chooses to spell her name Alee) I remember one night in vivid detail. I was lying in the tub, praying that God would extend His grace to me yet again, and let Allie be a girl. Of course, she was already a girl so it was kind of a crazy prayer, but God somehow takes all prayers into account...and knows we will pray them before we do. So, even though I was praying it AFTER her sex was already known, God answers prayers retroactively...or so I was once told. And it makes complete sense to me! Why did I pray this prayer? Because, deep in my heart, I longed to experience what it would be like to parent a little girl, someone like me, who would someday be my best friend, who would understand me, who would offset some of the testosterone that flowed oh so freely through our home. If Allie had been a boy, I know we would have tried for baby #4 and, quite frankly, I was pooped out...and ready to be finished having babies. In my head, I just knew I was not up for the task. But I remember tears running down my face as I told God I would surrender to His will and if the baby I carried was a boy, I would comply and try for number 4. I desperately wanted a baby girl.
Once again, God was merciful. I remember all four of us going to my gynecologist the day I had my ultrasound, my three men and I, feeling totally outnumbered and holding my breath. When the technician pointed out that we were having a girl, all four of us were ecstatic! I would have my ally and, at the same time, have my body back permanently! All was bliss and awesomeness in my life!
In many ways, Alessandra (a name I love but she abhors) was easier than her two brothers. She slept through the night at 2 months, LOVED her evening baths, and was, as her father said, pleasant. And she was....until the age of 10 which is when all hell broke loose! Since then, things have been up and down, back and forth, high and lows. There is a reason I am not a fan of rollercoasters....
I know that, for whatever reason, God entrusted this 17 year old stubborn, argumentative, hard-headed, opinionated being to me for my own good...and because He felt I was up to the task. Most days I feel like He made His very first...and last...mistake by bestowing this girl on me. Allie makes me feel like a failure as a parent in ways her brothers never did. I don't know why; she just does.
Even though John always took credit for knowing best, it was ultimately God who did...and does, giving us always what we need and not what we want. This is a lesson I have to learn, day after day, when things just seem so darn overwhelming. Back then, God had it covered. And though the struggles continue, He still does.
Teenage Girls
