I turn 54 tomorrow. Where in the world did the time go?
It seems like yesterday that I was a little girl, growing up in Oklahoma City, cutting my friends' hair with the same scissors I used to cut my Barbie's. Or going to countless baseball games to watch my brother, Scott, play. Chasing boys at recess to see how many I could kiss.
Another yesterday was spent with some of my most profound teen years, growing up in South Jersey, learning an entirely different accent and culture, wondering if I'd ever fit in. I learned just how diverse the world was with Italian, Black and Puerto Rican friends. I learned how to go crabbing, how to ice skate, how to have my heart broken...
More yesterdays flew by as I moved to Colorado at the age of 12. I would never, ever get over leaving New Jersey, or so I thought. Eventually I caught my breath at high altitude, lost my accent, fell in love (more than once). And became an adult.
When did that happen? And why did it have to?
I became responsible, respectable, reliable. A hard worker. I became a liberal, then a conservative, then a pescatarian on her way to vegetarian then vegan. I got married, had three kids, got divorced. Then I got married again and gained three more kids.
I learned a bit about what I am not and a whole lot about what I am. And just when I think I know it all, I realize how very little I know. I met people that change my opinions and thought processes. I experienced new places and I got to walk in others' shoes.
I met people like Barbara who give me fresh, new perspective. I attend a church with a black Pastor who stretches me beyond my comfort zone. I visited Kansas and become an animal activist, but also met Judy, Anita, Lucy, Sara and Alice, all of whom I love and consider friends for life.
I traveled to Israel and Greece for spiritual trips of a lifetime and I went to Canton, Ohio to get just as much of a spiritual lift meeting Kurt Warner.
I became a step-mom to Ian, Kayleigh and Grace which allows me to really search myself for my selfishness and find that it is just as alive and well as it ever was. But I find reconciliation, too, which is one of the best things ever.
I watch my kids grow up and I long to hold on to them, knowing it's impossible. I learn to love them more than I thought possible and also learn to love those they love: Lauren, Sarah, Sean, Aspen, Lexi.
I learn that the second time around is better than the first, but also comes with more challenges. I learn that I definitely did not write the book on love, or anything else for that matter. I'm grateful for the love of a good man who is also flawed. I am happy that he finds the flaws in me acceptable as well.
Thank you, mom and dad, for giving me everything that I needed to survive and so much more. And for all of those who have known me the longest: Justine, Lori M, Bonnie and Mary Ann, I love you all. And I love my Longmont friends (too many to mention, but you know who you are)!
I'm thankful, most of all, for forgiveness. Thank you, Holly, for providing that. And for the long-time love of friends like Melissa, Lori, Tip, Linda and Linda. You know me yet love me anyway. For old family members like Eric, Linda and Leo and new ones like Brian and Annie.
I'm sad that I didn't get to properly say good-bye to Amy, John and Scott, to name a few, but I will see them again, of this I am sure. And there will no longer be a reason to speak of regrets on that day.
There are not enough pages in any book to fill the things I am grateful for and for the things that I still have not learned. Thank you, Colorado Rockies, for giving me a place to go and just be. Cats, bunnies and all other living things, you are my sanctuary when this World gets to be too much. Green sea turtles and oceans, you are my destiny, I am convinced.
Finally, God. You are the alpha and omega, my first and my last. The ONLY reason why I can sit here and write this, why I can recollect at all. You give me all ability, all breath, all everything. So it is You that gets the final thank you, the accolade of all accolades, on my 54th birthday eve. For it is You who gave me all the people and places and things and memories mentioned here.
And it is You, if you see fit, to give me 54 more.
On the Eve of My 54th Birthday
