I had lunch with my son, Joseph, last Sunday. He turned 28 in July and today he will become a husband. I don't think the profoundness of this has hit me. Yet.
But as I write these words, they begin to. There is something about putting things down on "paper." At least for me.
I keep asking myself, where did the time go?
Joseph is my first-born and when he was young, he was a dream-child. God couldn't have picked out a better child to be born to me first. He was so easy: he had a constant smile, was easy-going, talked up a storm and was my little companion. I took him everywhere; we did everything together.
Because his father was a cop who worked evenings, it was just Joseph and me at night. We would sit on our deck that looked over a vast field. That field was filled with jackrabbits and foxes at dusk and we would watch and watch, filled with wonder at God's great creation.
During baseball season, especially the playoffs, we would snuggle on the couch, watching the Yankees slaughter every other team. It was "our" time and oh, how I loved the sereneness of it all, the sacredness of it. We had so much time alone together; time to bond and to just be.
I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom to Joseph and to even home school him and his siblings. From early on, Joseph talked more than most boys ever do. He still does to this day. And he was so easy to teach; he was a great reader and simply loved life. His smile was contagious and brought me so much joy.
He became a great baseball player at an early age and the memories I have of practicing with him and watching him play are enough to fill pages and pages. He played the game with such sweetness and innocence. When he was little, he would practice anytime, anywhere, always asking if we could go to the park and practice.
Lest you think I raised a perfect son, think again. Later on, in his teenage years, there were many struggles, times I wanted to sell him to the highest bidder. But I always, always loved him and I never gave up on the man I knew he would become. Even during trying times we found a way to bond by binge watching on LOST episodes before binge watching became a thing.
Today my son no longer belongs to me; he will devote his life to another woman. Oh, he has never truly been mine. God simply saw fit to loan him to me to raise and to love. I hope I did okay. I tried to teach him and to be there for him. I know I made a ton of mistakes. Thank God kids are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Despite my wrongdoings, he turned out just fine.
Today will be an emotional one for me, I am sure. I have warned him, as if he needs it. If it's one thing those close to me know, crying comes quite easily to me. Joseph gave me permission to cry which is an awesome thing. Others are sometimes quick to squelch my tears as if there were something inherently wrong in shedding them. Not Joseph. He knows me.
The mother-son relationship is a sacred, mysterious dance, one I have treasured for 28 years. But now the dance begins with a new partner, as it should.
I hope I have instilled in him the right things as he becomes a husband and, hopefully soon, a father. He has found a woman he loves who also loves him, a good girl from a good family. Someone who makes him happy and who he is both nervous and excited to wed. And I couldn't be happier.
My Son's Wedding Day
