In the blink of an eye, life can change.
Small changes, like a few extra pounds or a canceled date. Or large changes, like an ex-husband's death or the loss of a job.
Yes, life can change in an instant. Sooner or later, all of us learn this. Some learn it the easy way: they learn to not hold onto things too tightly. Others have chance after to chance to learn it, yet they just don't get it. I like to think I am one of those in the former category. But, sadly, I'm really not.
Oh, I talk the talk alright. I praise God and am thankful when things are going great. But when I am tested? Not so much. Not to say that I don't expect things to go bad: I wrote the book on that type of thinking. When things are too good, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And once it does? I also wrote the book on negative, dramatic, end-of-the-world thinking.
For the past two years I have been an independent contractor, so to speak. I train a very specialized software created by Epic and used by thousands of hospitals across the World. Never have I been so at home training something, even though I have never worked in the healthcare industry. Even so, I have learned much about it and actually thrive on being in a hospital setting, among those who are responsible for saving countless lives. Sometimes it's nothing short of an adrenaline rush.
The wonderful thing about my job is it pays well, I get to travel and meet tons of awesome people and I get all of my expenses paid. The not-so-great thing is contracts can -- and do -- end at any time, leaving me with no idea what I am going to do next. This may be an exciting proposition for some, but for me it puts the fear of God into me, leaving me shaking in that shoe that just dropped to the floor.
In April I started a contract in Texas that had the potential to go for at least two years, maybe more. It took me a while to warm up to the thought of Texas after spending six months in Chicago. But before long I adjusted, loving the place, the people and, most importantly, my job. As of late last week I was told I could expect to be on the contract for at least another year. Then the other shoe dropped just one day later. Due to financial reasons, all contractors, including me, were cut loose with one day's notice. No one saw it coming, not even my boss who had begged, borrowed and stolen to get us to stay. We had become part of the family, the team. Someone forgot to tell the head bean counters that.
I have been devastated, to say the least. I want to enjoy my time at home, catching up with my husband, kids and friends. I want to chill out, to let go and let God. I really do. But it just simply isn't in my temperament to do so. Does it count, though, that I want to learn? I hope so.
In my heart, I know God will provide. He always does. I also know I will land on my feet. As my oldest son, Joseph, told me, "You'll be fine, mom. You always are." And you know what? He's right. It just doesn't FEEL like that right now.
Yes, life can change in an instant. Some changes are small, some are big. I'm grateful that this big change does not involve my health or the health of those closest to me. I'm also thankful that I have one more chance to get it right.
Now THAT would be a change.
Life Changes
