It is said that change is inevitable, the one constant in life. It is the thing that everyone encounters and it makes us stronger, grows us, blah, blah, blah. While I know this, it is one of those things that, even when you've heard and experienced it a hundred times, it truly never gets any easier.
I've experienced tons of change in my life, as I am sure you have as well. None, though, as much as I have in the past year or so. Last June I got married to Ric, my wonderful husband, after nearly 7 years of dating and 40 years of knowing each other. Right after that, I started a brand new job.
About five months into our marriage, my ex-husband and father of my three amazing children, died unexpectedly at the age of 53 (the same age I am as I write this).
Less than a month later Ric lost his job. I remember that night, as if it were yesterday. I went upstairs in my bathroom and sobbed, thinking, I cannot handle anymore. I seriously thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. We were just getting ready to enter 2017, the year I thought would erase the sorrow of 2016. I had so much hope for 2017 and there was already much to feeling broken over before we'd even ushered it in.
2017 has been just as crazy and interesting as 2016 was. I lost my job in April and both Ric and I were receiving unemployment at the same time. He found a job after 5 months of being without and it took me about 6 weeks, thank goodness. It was an extremely stressful, fitful time. At least for me. Ric, being the eternal optimist (to a fault) knew everything would work out for the best. And it did -- for a short time.
Right before I returned to work at my brand new job we put our house on the market, finally! And after working for two weeks, I bought a brand new car. Our house was sold after a few days, is now under contract and we have found a new home that we hope to have a contract on soon.
While my job is stable, Ric's has been anything but. He has gone without being paid for nearly 4 weeks now!
I feel exhausted, like I have lived an entire lifetime in the past year. A lot of these things have been exciting, but they have all left me emotionally raw as well. I'm my kids' only parent, I lived in my house for 26 years and raised all three children there and I had my car for over 9 years and was extremely attached to it.
I have never really cared about material things; for me, it's always been about creating memories. Stuff goes away, but memories last forever. All of the things I have lost recently were representative of my old life. While it's bittersweet to leave them behind, it is absolutely necessary, for a variety of reasons.
First and foremost, they have no place in my future life with my husband. In order to truly start fresh, we need a house to cherish together and to make our memories. The ghost of my husband looms large in our current house; we both know that. My fast, shiny sports car is no longer safe for me to drive and it has served its purpose. Even the past few jobs I have had have not been entirely worthy of my ability and talent.
They say that the most stressful things a person can do is get married, start a new job and sell/buy a house. I'm sure that buying a new car is somewhere on the list. Let it never be said of me that I do things in moderation! Indeed, this is a stressful season of my life. But I am bound and determined to fall into an even keel kind of existence very, very soon. I think I really have been through enough roller coaster-type events lately. It's time to kick back and smell the roses.
Learning to Let Go
