Today I woke up tired. Really tired. Woe is me was what I was feeling. I didn't want to get up, didn't want to go to work. I had a headache, my hip hurt. Even so, I got up and walked around the corner to my new favorite Starbucks, right smack in the middle of downtown DC. If I can just get an iced vanilla coffee, I thought, life will be perfect.
Right before I entered, I noticed a thin, black man, huddled in the corner of the building. He mumbled something to me. I mumbled something back, not even remembering what I said nor wanting to know what he said. Push it aside, Erin, I thought, He only wants money for drugs or alcohol or cigarettes. And you have your own problems.
But I couldn't shake him, my pastor's words rattling around in my head. "Treat everyone you meet as if they are already your brother." No, I thought to myself. This is too uncomfortable. He's just another homeless man.
"Whatever you do to the least of mine, that you do unto me."
Please, God, not today. Today needs to be about me. It needs to be about the things on MY mind, about the things I cannot shake. I didn't sleep enough last night, my body aches. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm so sick of being so sensitive, of feeling too much. Let someone else take care of this. I'm tired.
"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest."
I walked into the door and God's spirit spoke, "Feed my sheep." So I walked up to the counter and bought a water, some blueberries and ordered the usual: a tall vanilla iced coffee with 2% milk, light on ice, as I teased the barista for not remembering the order I placed just the day before. I asked for 3 separate transactions because that means 3 bonus stars. And bonus stars mean EVERYTHING to me.
George joked, telling me he could only give me 2 stars because the drink was on the house. For a moment I smiled to myself, thinking SOMETIMES God pays dividends immediately, but most of the time he makes us wait, patiently, which is something I'm once again trying to learn. God, I believed, had rewarded me for something I hadn't even done yet! I was amazed, once again, by his mercy and grace.
Taken aback, I asked George why he was giving me a free drink. He said because I was a new face in town. Shyly, I thanked him, not wanting to cause a fuss, not wanting to draw attention to myself. Then I thought of the man just outside that door, huddled in the chilly morning air, shivering. I told George I WOULD get my 3 stars; that I would be ordering breakfast to go, right after I finished my coffee. He smiled (I think he likes me) and I sat down, butterflies fluttering in my stomach as I fought the urge to walk out without acknowledging the homeless man.
After drinking my coffee, I peeked outside to make sure he was still there. I was like a 16 year old girl again, nervously waiting for the guy of my dreams to pick me up for our first date. I walked out and gave the man a bottled water and a breakfast sandwich, two prized possessions that I purchase nearly every day of my life at Starbucks, never thinking twice about it (after all, I CAN expense it). He graciously accepted them both, thanking me profusely. My eyes began to water and I prayed for strength, that God would get me out of there before I completely lost it. I told him he was welcome (instead of saying my usual my pleasure) and wished him God's blessings.
As I walked into the lobby of my hotel and into the elevator, I held my breath, hoping no one would come in after me. I sighed a sigh of relief, blinking back tears and thinking, I need all the good Karma I can get (even though I don't believe in Karma).
I don't know why God chose me to carry out His purpose today, but I know He did. Most of the time I think He has no idea what He is doing where I am concerned. I am so caught up in myself and my petty crap; sometimes I can hardly stand me. But I guess He sees everything differently. For that, I am grateful. For that, I am humbled.
Homeless for a Second
