Expectations

I have high expectations of others.  I always have and I know I always will.  But I also have high expectations of myself.  Usually the two go hand-in-hand.

Everyone says, of course, that if you set expectations low or have none at all, you will never be disappointed.  I imagine this is true, but I cannot say I know from personal experience.

While low or no expectations may lead to not being let down, I think it's a bad way of approaching life.  I think that we should always expect more of both others and ourselves.  I think we should constantly be striving for more growth, true intimacy, better versions of ourselves and our relationships.  I think we SHOULD have expectations.

I do admit there are times I get weary of having high expectations, though.  I set myself up for disappointment when I expect others to view the World as I do.  I feel let down when my conversations with friends I've not seen in months -- or even years -- seem shallow.  I expect certain words to be said, certain actions, and when that doesn't happen?  Well, sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and isolate myself.  Sucky?  Definitely.  But honest?  Also definitely.

I love my friends and have them all over the country.  Some I met and instantly had a kinship with.  Others have taken more work.  Sometimes the ones I have known briefly are easier to be with than those I have known for decades.  Sometimes two separate meetings with the same friend can be so different.  I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way?

Part of my issue is my temperament, I know.  I am an INFJ-T personality type which is the rarest of all 16 types; approximately one percent of the population has this personality.  This explains so much of how I feel, view the World and react to others.  When I remember that I am, quite literally, different than almost every other person I come in contact with, it helps. 

And my moods?  I can go from low to up, then back down again very quickly.  No, I am not bi-polar and will not be taking meds for my condition.  These days it is too darn easy to smack a label on someone and treat their symptoms, not the cause, with a damn drug!  I am a work in progress and I mean work.  There is nothing about this crazy life that is easy and nothing that is worth it comes without blood, sweat and tears.  Am I where I need to be?  No way.  But I am better than I was and that is a good thing.

This week has been a week of learning and growing, much like every other week.  I have spent time with friends who have brought me down.  I have to admit, I have wanted to throw in the towel, walk away, hide in my house with the Colorado Rockies and a few bottles of wine and say to hell with all of it.

But then you know what happens?  The sun comes up the next day and, with it, new hopes and possibilities.  A few texts come across my phone from the friend who I feel distant from, saying she enjoyed our time together.  Then another friend and me get together and have a fabulous time.  Still another friend reaches out at exactly the right time and all of a sudden my hope in mankind is restored and I feel like I can actually get up off the couch and leave my house once again!

When I retreat within myself, I feel okay about it for a minute, but then I feel convicted.  I am all about reconciliation because I know God is.  I eventually want to reach out to those who I feel have wronged me, misunderstood me and who have generally pissed me off so much that I want to write them out of my life.  Thankfully I worship a God who never, ever feels that way about me or them...and He cares enough about me to not leave me in the mire that I make of my life.  He wants me to have an abundant life.  And there is no way I could have that without my friends.

So what is the moral of this story?  I think it's fine to have expectations of others and, more importantly, ourselves.  But when those expectations lead us down a path of wanting to give up on others and retreat to the couch, wine and the Rockies (though nothing is wrong with that combination), we have to refocus and get back on track. And we (I) need to remember that others have probably felt the same way about us at least once...but persevered anyway.