2015 has started out rocky for me. To make matters worse, I have not written about it. Things are always less tragic when I write about them so go figure.
I have been in a legal battle with my ex-husband since May. I had hoped it would have been done by now, solved without having to go to court. But it has not been so I will have to spend thousands of dollars to fight him when we would have just met each other half way. I tried more than once to do so...
I've been having struggles with my 17 year old daughter for years. In recent months things had gotten better, but now they are back to being crappy again and I am so weary from the battle. Of course, said ex-husband does not help at all, but makes things far worse. So I am fighting this battle with her alone....
I know my problems are not life-threatening and for that I really am thankful. I am not battling cancer and, as far as I know, my friends and family are all healthy going into this year. No one I know has died in a car crash or plane crash...Things could be so much worse. But they could be far better, too, and I guess I just feel like I need a break.
Some of my problems are brought on by my own poor choices and bad behavior and I acknowledge that. I want this to be the year that I become a better person, pure and simple. I want to do a much better job of loving and serving God...and if I do that, everything else will flow from that desire. I have spent much of the last year coasting....in my work, my friendships, my parenting. I have just wanted to feel adored and gorgeous and special but have spent precious little time making others feel that way.
So today I will try to encourage someone, make someone feel better, though I am feeling miserable. I am broken-hearted, burdened, sad, down. But that does not mean I am justified in feeling any of these things....and it does not mean I have to stay here.
Here's looking forward to something great happening today....
A Rough Start to 2015
