I’m a software trainer. Specifically, I train medical personnel on how to register patients using EMR (electronic medical records) software. When the opportunity to teach this software on a contract basis presented itself last June, I was hesitant to grab hold of it. I am anything but a risk taker. But I needed to stop traveling my life away with the company I worked for, so I took a chance. That chance has paid off, big-time, but much, much more than just financially.
Wherever I have worked, wherever I have traveled, it has been amazing. But it has always been much more about the people I meet and the experiences I have had than it has been about the glamour of travel or the per diem or the $1,000 a night hotels.
When I started this job, I had the opportunity to visit a few Emergency Departments (EDs) so I could get an understanding of what the people I would be teaching did each day. If I had my pick, these would be the last places I would ever choose to hang out. But somehow, they are the places I always manage to be sent to. I have spent time at three different EDs, observing some staff members while helping others. Some of my favorite people, I might add, work in the ED.
So, it goes without saying that when I’m told to go help in the ED, I go. Not because ED stands for Erin Dittman, but because I go where I am told.
People that work in the ED Department at hospitals are amazing. They are amazing because, day in and day out, they see what most of us never see. And instead of running from it, they run TO it. They are truly inspiring to me and I tell them that. I tell them I could never do their job. I sit and watch, as they deal with the lowest of the lowest, in all ways possible. They are patient, they are caring; they do a job that most could not. All with grace…and mercy. Oh, how I love that word. They live out, each and every day, the words of Jesus, “Whatever you do to the least of these, that you do to Me.”
Every time I have the opportunity, I tell them I admire them. They nervously smile, and say anyone could do it. You get used to it after a while, they all say. I tell them again that I admire them, that I could never do their job, not even for five minutes. They look at me, gauging my honesty, thinking, yeah, right, she could do this job. She's just blowing smoke...
But I know that I say this not to flatter, but because it’s the truth. A few minutes into every ED visit I have had has resulted in emotion and tears on my part, not just because of people I see, but because of stories I hear.
Stories like the husband who arrives in the ED, expectantly waiting to see his wife. He is ushered to the room where she is, only to find out she has passed way. His screams echo through the ED for all to hear. Or the woman who, hours after she is admitted to the ED for detox, leaves and then hangs herself, her addiction simply too much to bear.
Or the 3 month old baby that is suffocated by her higher-than-a-kite mom. Or the woman who, moments after laughing and joking with the staff person, passes away instantly when only moments before...
After hearing these stories, I am emotionally spent. I have no names, no faces, no dates, no times. But I am drawn into their lives, one by one, and I simply cannot imagine how I would handle it if it were me that witnessed these events. Yet, day after day, week after week, it is handled by people who are underpaid, overworked and deal with a reality few of us can even imagine.
One of my favorite ED people who I will call Bobby Sue told me recently that she absolutely loves her job. It shows. She quietly goes about her work, unassuming, just making sure everyone is taken care of. She does so without accolades, without fanfare, not seeking applause. And she is giving, beyond compare. I just look at her and wonder how…how does she do this when I, not a weak woman, can barely stand this for even a few hours. I have to leave after a while, lest I get sucked in, lest I get hardened. In my gut, I know that God gives her the ability, for I believe He is the One who gives everything, even if we never acknowledge it. But I have Him and I love Him. Yet I know there is simply no way…..
And there is another, a sweet, precious, darling little girl who I will call Angelica because that is what she resembles to me: an angel. She is one of the best young girls I have ever met. She tells me stories and says, " I know everything happens for a reason, but..." And I tell her, yes, I believe that as well. But that never, ever negates the other side, the side that hurts and asks "Why?" Both of those must, unfortunately, coexist and it can drive one crazy. It truly can...And in order to be healed and to be whole, we have to look at both of those things, head-on, in the mirror.
As I sit in these EDs, I think, wow, I am lucky. I don’t have to deal with any of this on a day-to-day basis. I get to teach these amazing beings how to do their job, how to push buttons and fill out paperwork. How to print labels and have the patients e-sign their documents. And then I get to walk away. Thank you, God, for not requiring me to do this job. I am the lucky one, God. Right?